I learned to live, half alive
now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are,
running around leaving scars?
Kait had her head burried in a pillow, feeling tears slip down her cheek and onto the fabric. She was tired of crying, and still she couldn’t stop. Texts for Macon and Reid were piling up and she knew she should answer them. Even texts from Shayne, and, and Lucas… but her heart was still breaking. It had been just earlier that day that she told him she couldn’t do it anymore. It had been a long time coming, granted, but that didn’t make it any less painful did it? She had been so in love with him she had barely known which way to turn, what to do with herself. Kait missed the happy and easy feeling she had had in the beginning. Then as the summer drew closer, things had just sort of deflated. She had taught herself to be okay with what had happened, partly making herself think it was all her own fault. Because, wasn’t it? She hadn’t been enough for him, he’d still wanted something she couldn’t give him and she couldn’t help thinking it had been her fault, all of it. The fight, their only real fight, had been her fault. She knew that. She’d kept the story of her and Adam to herself, not wanting him to know and not wanting to hear of all the beautiful girls Shayne had been with before her.
Kait reached out, flipping her phone over as it buzzed again. Reid. Next buzz was a reminder for a text from Macon. Prom; they had all been happy, things had been looking up for them. Now things had more or less gone down the drain. She closed her eyes, shutting her phone off for a while.
She didn’t want to hear her Nan say ‘I told you do’ so she hadn’t told her yet. Then she appeared in the door, the house phone in her hand. “It’s Shayne,” Ellie said, and Kait shook her head. “Shayne, she’s not able to talk right now. She’ll call you back when she feels like it.” And with a click the older woman hung up. “What’s going on Kaye?” Her grandfather had always called her Kaye, more a pronounciation of the first letter in her name then some nickname, but after he’d been dead a while, Ellie had adopted it. Kait was weirdly grateful.
"I can’t, Nan, not right now." She wiped away a tear, the scatterbrained older woman still looking at her.
"I really wished I wouldn’t live to see you heartbroken," Ellie whispered, wiping a tear from her granddaughter’s cheek, before leaving the room. She closed the door behind her, and Kait kept hearing herself ‘I can’t do this anymore’ - a loop in her head.